Living as the Duchess of the Dishpan
Tales of Romance and Dried-on Oatmeal
by Kelly Gordon Bullion
This book is Volume 2 of my Muddled Mutterings of Uncompromised Genius. (ha!) Before you embark on the journey that is this book, I feel compelled to state the following: Romance novels are lies.
All of them - filthy, irresponsible lies. There is no such thing as pulsing passion and swooning romance and happily ever after. In addition, I feel it necessary to point out that there's also no such thing as June Cleaver or Donna Reed. Both of those women are myths.
The reality of romance and perfect homemaking consists solely of making sure that everyone has clean underwear and that the dishes are clean. Period.
The following pages are Volume 2 of a few observations I have made about life, my work, marriage and "romance" and motherhood. They contain little snippets of journal entries I've kept over the years.
I hope you enjoy them. If you don't, then don't say I didn't warn you.
I am Jane Smith from Anytown, USA. I'm unspectacular and ordinary in almost everyway, and glad for it. (Unspectacular and ordinary are the key to the successful completion of my plan for world domination.) Physical attributes don't define a person, but to some people they seem to be the most important descriptor a person has. So, in the interest of making those people happy - I'm plain and tall and red-headed, although I'm more of a "mutt" than anything. I'm 30 something. Sometimes that makes me feel old and wisened, and sometimes it makes me feel young and stupid. Mostly it makes me feel fat. I'm a complex mixture of humor and depth and stupidity and wisdom and adoration and disgust and genius. But I'm mostly genius.